Fox News Issues New Warning that Watching Tucker Carlson Going Forward is Likely to Result in Bleeding From the Eyes, but It Is Worth It For the Excellent Straightforward Commentary

Tucker Carlson is having a good run right now on his show with some particular biting extreme cynicism, some bouts of insane outbursts of frantic laughter, and a new groove honing his resentment as a deftly wielded weapon targeting anyone outside his three-second sophist memory black hole.

However, despite this new found strength of voice in his on-his-heels moment after supporting Trump and not finding any thought in its wake but a panicked doubling down on things that have not worked before, Fox News is now issuing a warning at the start of his show that watching for any extended period of time may cause ‘rage infection’ “like the monkeys at the beginning of 28 Days Later, basically,” said a spokesperson for Fox Corporate. And there will be a surgeon generals warning flashed before the intro music stating that watching Tucker and looking directly into this void may lead to your eyes bleeding and the vanishing of all light and future from your soul.

Analysists and ratings people are still determining whether this switch in Tucker’s demeanor… from constantly making the face that looks like a child whose parents are explaining sex to him… to a very angry insistence that his parents are lying and that there is no such thing as sex.. will have a long term payoff or will harm Tucker in the end.

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