“Has there ever been a more tubular President than Joe Biden? I mean, I’m really asking,” said Greg Gutfield of Fox News. “It hasn’t been a week since his righteous declaration of Unity at the inauguration and he is already wailing on the half pipe with his totally far-out crew of friends the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.’

Paying special attention to Joe Biden’s ‘gnarly’ pizza topping choices, right wing media has been quick to scrutinize the commander in chief in his super-baggy jeans and sleeveless day-glo orange shirt as he publicly meets yet again with mutated crime fighters. “Simply, he is ssooo far out it’s just too bodacious for me to handle. All I can say at this juncture, is cowabunga. Back to you, Leslie,” said Tucker Carlson live from an on-the-spot interview. Tucker of course as a champion of the workers paid special consideration in interviewing the pizza parlor owner, who declared, “these turtles and their friendly President buddy eat pizza like there is no tomorrow. I can’t keep up with these kids and their trends with the ooze and what not, but it’s good for business! I know that!”