BREAKING NEWS – 2/10/2021 – It was announced today that Fox’s Greg Gutfield, a fixture on ‘THE FIVE’ weekday evening show which regularly indoctrinates and frustrates many wholesome American viewers deeper into their opiated dreams, was given the coveted 11pm hour slot on the network. The network is shaking up their programming schedule in the wake of a corrupt law suit which takes issue with Fox’s existence-for-entertainment-only, claiming that the statements about the election being rigged by Dominion voting systems were meant in any way to be taken seriously. Obviously, anyone who believes Fox News is a source of correct information has another thing coming.
Gutfield was chosen likely for his skills as a truth-contortionist, his believable outrage at the elite while raking in millions selling the narrative to the gullible, and mostly for his consistent willingness to stoop to the level necessary to continue the lie. “He works harder than anyone to shovel the shit. A real trooper,” said the current- no wait, ex-CEO of Fox, who was yelling this as he was being escorted from their building in a sexual assault related raid. “Gutfield will bridge the pipeline between the corrupt politicians and the mindless masses. We can bring it back. This franchise isn’t dead. I don’t care how many of us you toss out, two more will sprout in our wake!” the disgraced Fox News leader yelled, as his company-issued suit was being removed and he was being tossed in the gutter. Gutfield, not recognizing him on his way to his new time slot, was photographed spitting in his face, mistaking him for an average citizen.