GOP Trumpists and Mere Trump Apologists Agree to Suspend ‘Party Split’ Talks and Simply Rebrand United as ‘Banality of Evil Party’

“Man, why you even gots ta do a thing?” said Mitch McConnell. He seemed exhausted and frustrated that power was no longer implicitly in his hands but was being somehow questioned and slippery. “I mean, just tell me how low we gotta go to keep this party together. The least amount of decisions. The least choices. The least principle. We have to stay united! This is the GOP! We can’t let what ever this.. you know… issue… thing is that’s tearing us apart.”

“So you’re willing to work with Trump as long as you stay in control of some… power..”

“Man, I don’t know. Why do I have to keep thinking about all this. It’s so frustrating. Did you know the GOP used to have voters that were dumb enough to support us, but not dumb enough to try to kill us because we did nothing to help them but just kept them mad and helpless? Man, things have changed.”

“Yeah, brah,” said Rand Paul, who with Lindsey Graham was braiding Ted Cruz’s hair. “We used to be able to pal around with even John McCain and not have to do all this talk about how war heroes are traitors and all this heavy drudgery of figuring out who is with us or against us today. It’s so tiresome.”

Trump came into the bed room where they were all in their PJs and said it was time for lights out. “You kids get some sleep. Daddy doesn’t want too much noise, while he’s fucking your mother.”

“Hey you, Josh Hawley… you new kid sitting in the corner brooding. You wanna come watch?”

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