Texas Vows to Dismantle Its Power Grid Entirely, Declaring Small Government and Lack of Common Humanity the Panacea, Daring God and God’s ‘Cancel Culture’ to Attack Balmy Weather Again

Standing naked in the snow screaming with the blood of sacrificed children spread across his chest, a local municipal delegate from Texas hardest hit by winter storms declared in no uncertain terms that small government is the only path forward. Meanwhile Ted Cruz split the screen in straw hat and skirt drinking a neon turquouise oversized novelty beverage with a multitude of tiny umbrellas, lucky bamboo, and sparklers lit and sparkling.

“If the choice is between some kind of civic duty to strangers, even the creepy ones who good christians look down on, and literally dying at the hands of elements… the choice is clear. The last thing we will ever do is view our fellow beings as members of our own sacred sect. Taxes, collectivism, loving your neighbor through some kind of central planning accord, these are satanic. The scriptures could not be more clear on communism.”

Ted Cruz laughed, shaking his beautiful redneck mullet in the Cancun sun. “We should try sacrificing random children to Ba’al. Appease this so called ‘climate change’ like they did in the olden days.”

“Clearly that makes the most sense,” said Sean Hannity, who was moderating this debate of friendly ideas.

“Perhaps the very idea of a ‘grid’ is communist. And we should all supply our own power from here on out. That’s the American way,” said Ted Cruz, being handed a hot face towel from a topless native.

“And also, Fuck God for making winter a thing in the first place, right boys,” said Sean Hannity.

“Up next, a segment on how postmodernism is destroying our most traditional values.”

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