Time Honored Florida Spring Break Tradition of Destroying Shit, Fighting Cops, Catching Diseases from Strangers Going Better Than Usual Thanks to Covid this Year?

The institution of lewd partying, public intoxication, fornicating in the streets, and bathing in filth is actually being enhanced this year due to Covid-19 say many revelers. “Normally we smash some local’s shit and generally collectively do our best to destroy society’s repressive mileu en masse, but this year it’s going actually better than usual. Cops are on the line with us and we’re getting some good shots in with this Ron DeSantis hypocrite coming down on us like he gives a shit. I think I probably gave diseases to twice, even three times as many strangers as last year when Covid wasn’t a thing. It’s going really well!”

“My best friend and I, who are definitely into lesbianism but supress it because it’s not culturally acceptable where we live, were out here getting freaky doing lesbian shit, and it felt so much more real cause the cops were shooting pepper balls at us. I was like, c’mon holmes. I’m just a gay girl, I can deal with it. Why can’t you? Don’t make me put a mask on that!”

Sources say the amount of revelers who aim to simply be degenerate and break as much shit before they go back to their shitty lives converting to out and out ‘be gay, do crimes’ is being upped by the social consciousness level haunting the beach – a specter of a horrible dying disease that they are all doing their best to ignore. Spring Break, a Dionysian festival of fertility and collective insanity is explicitly facing off with a living, breathing memento mori. The dull herds are peaked. Locals who actually live in Florida say it warms their heart to see more people falling into being Florida Man and Florida Woman full time rather than just coming down as these tourist brats playing at it for a bit, like fucking teases.

Be Gay. Do Crimes.

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