I missed another writers meeting. I am fighting a full-on mental illness relapse. But it’s better to be insane in my own home, shuffling these meaningless corridors not eating and not sleeping than forced into a system of whitewashed walls where they tell me what the world means and force me to adhere with syringes and sedatives.
I think I might be dying. As in, that is my state of existence for the foreseeable future. I awake, constipated, full of shit, barely able to breathe, my thoughts throughout the day punctuated by wanting to put a bullet in my brain. Feeling like going back to bed as soon as I rise. I’m not complaining, it’s just perspective. It’s likely a ploy from the universe to get me to think clearly on what I might actually want to do with my time stuck here.
Which isn’t much. I’m being forced into a bottleneck of meaning that I don’t agree with. I want a different life altogether. I’d like friends, good times, easy living. This place is a nightmare. To see the future possible and be forced with surroundings of irrational zombies and Godless frontiers. They’ll kill you, most likely. I am not the real Dread Pirate Roberts either. I’ll see you in the mourning.
But I am mentally ill. I don’t belong in this universe. I’m sick, we’re not in the same conversation, fundamentally. I’m still trying to escape, wholesale. I want to break free and run. I’m an escape artist. I don’t belong to this human race. I am an alien, dropped off here a long time ago, just waiting to go home.
Which just means the battle is still between how often I get out of bed and an evil that can wear a suit and wake at a reasonable hour. So, still fucked. Still the same drive. Still the old war. Meaningless to vent. Stupid to complain. Perhaps better with the syringes and sedatives. At least the defeat is clean.
On the block today: Articles I’d really like and need to read to keep abreast of the world in devolution, but most likely won’t get to:
How Alan Sokal Won the Battle but Lost the ‘Science Wars’ – from Commentary.org
A brilliant parody was the harbinger of a dreadful futureby James B. Meigs
It was the greatest emperor’s-new-clothes gag in modern intellectual history. Physicist Alan Sokal’s famous hoax article—a putative attack on the legitimacy of science and even on the notion of “objectivity” itself—appeared in the trendy academic journal Social Text in the spring of 1996. With its precise mimicry of postmodern language and ideas, Sokal’s parody worked like a laser scalpel, mercilessly exposing the movement’s incoherence and foolishness. Even the paper’s title—“Transgressing the Boundaries: Towards a Transformative Hermeneutics of Quantum Gravity”—perfectly captured the Olympian pretentiousness of the field. And the journal’s editors fell for it. Hard.
The Global Far Right Is Betting the House on Bolsonaro – from Jacobin
Far-right organizations like Project Veritas in the US and the Vox party in Spain are increasingly looking to Latin America as the key to consolidating their international network. To prevent that from happening, Jair Bolsonaro must be stopped from winning — or stealing — Brazil’s 2022 election.
Mainly interested in this because seeing Steve Bannon dead will be personally satisfying (and that whole thing of preventing a far-right global dictatorship, likely coming in league with the separate push for consolidation of a technocracy). A drunken stepfather who wants to hurt you and your friends for not being as sad, racist, and ugly as him in his dejection, he hits you and your mother and claims he loves you. He deserves to wind up dead, and you long to be there to see it, to be part of it. He’s just an ARSONIST waiting for the fire to reach his lonely shore. One wishes he was a better man, but he makes it your business to deal with his weakness. Pathetic.
So, another day of kill or be killed. Of depression enchroaching on a will to be good.
They told me I shouldn’t take the universe so personally.
On the contrary, it’s the only thing keeping me alive.