GOP House Leadership Fight is On, But All Agree The Most Pressing Policy Is Implementing ‘Participation Trophies’ in All Elections So Every Candidate Feels Special

Herschel Walker Says He Will Just Keep Doing What He’s Been Doing To Win His RunOff Election, Plans to Visit Some Ex’es, Inseminate Them & Cut Some Checks, Calls It His ‘Good Luck Ritual’

GOP Announces GENIUS Plan to Recover From Midterm Losses: A New $8 Dollar a Month Fee to Remain a GOP Voter and End the Lords and Peasant System That Cost Them Votes.

CARRIE (?) Lake Has Officially* Conceded Her Arizona Race On Twitter, As Elon Munsk (sic) Has Confirmed

Trump to Announce Presidential Bid Soon, Plans to Run on 2020 Election Being Stolen, Now With Even More Momentum Being Able to Talk About All His Great 2022 Candidates Elections Also Being Stolen. “TREMENDOUS!”

American Pro-Gun Survivalist Centrists, Leftists, and Conservative Fuck-Trump Patriots Watching American Democracy Closely In Midterms, Preparing Necessary Anti-Fascist ‘Pikey Reaction’ If Right Wing Attempts Violent Nationwide Insurrection


GOP Makes Last Effort Campaign Push To Sell Women – And All Americans – On The Benefits of Losing Control Of Their Bodies to the Desires Of Their Government

Seize the means of reproduction - Republican Men Must Control the Womb of Woman to Ensure Revolution of the Patriarchy Over the Owners of Divine Femininity

Concentration-camp historian Andrea Pitzer says two key elements are Keeping Trump From Destroying American Democracy Yet

"I think it's not impossible for the army & courts to surrender eventually, but he's not there yet. And neither is any other Trump rival. I offer this not to reassure but instead to say there's still room to work. More than 50% of surveyed voters view him somewhat/very unfavorably."

Hey Kids! A Mean Old Bunch of Nazis Wants to Shut Down the Democratic Recreation Center These Midterms! The Only Way We Can Save The American Constitutional Theater is To Stage a Major- DANCE-A-THON – Warns Muppet 'THOU SHALT NOT BE SUCH AN ASSHOLE YOU DON't EVEN KNOW YOU ARE ONE' - William S. Burroughs

GOP Hopes Perk Up For Midterms – If They Can Buy Enough Judges and Police to Silence The Calls To Stop Their Criminality, There’s a Real Chance They Can Take Over This City and Run this Town, Warns Batman