Vowing to continue the great Fox Entertainment TV legacy of ‘When Storms Are Angry’ and ‘So A Shark Thinks Its Some Kind of Tough Guy’, Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson have been shifted from their opinion shows to a nightly 2-hour special to lode the network with easily digestible material in hopes to recover slipping ratings. “Basically like Jerry Springer meets human frailty and a desire for peace and justice, these fucking scumbags, I can’t get enough of their bleeding hearts,” said Tucker Carlson, in a taped interview hunting dolphins with his buddies.
“We are going to compile footage of the soy-i-est of the soy being righteous in the face of like, riot cops, and basically trying to assert some measure of sanity in the world, being stomped in the face by jack boots, to the tune of some sexy country western music. We’ve got a contract with the guy who says the N-word, whatever his name is. Doesn’t matter. The music doesn’t matter. Nothing matters anymore. … Just the audience’s bloodlust.”
“Unfortunately, with competition from ubiquitous internet pornography and fully nude music videos on the youtubes, we’re only looking to just get back a marginal percentage of our mostly old AF retired and bedridden audience. We’re just happy to be doing the Lord’s work.”