Trump Will Only Testify in Impeachment if Allowed to Wear ‘Censored’ T-Shirt, Mock Noose, Carry Air Horn to Personally Bleep Anything He Worries Might Be Problematic If Heard Contextually

In a trend of right wingers speaking on very public platforms while simulataneously claiming they are being censored and having their free speech rights impinged on, Trump says he will only testify in the Impeachment hearing with a number of stipulations. Number one, no one can look him directly in the eye or say his name. He is allowed to throw up his hands and say ‘excuse me! Excuse me!’ anytime anyone makes ANY suggestion about something, whether it relates to his behavior or not. And he will wear a t-shirt that reads ‘Censored’ and hang a noose around his neck, reiterating that impeaching him is just like lynching someone, a claim that was made in the previous impeachment as well.

Trump will testify, but he will do so carefully, a bit out of character. Because he is under oath he wants some special considerations, including being able to bring a very loud air horn so that when he even approaches a statement which clearly implicates him as a violence-stoking demagogue who has never before given thought to consequences, he will blare the air horn so what he says is made unintelligible. When things he has said previously are brought up, the GOP members will provide this service of cover in the air horn’s absence.

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